I can’t paint this time, this season, pretty.

With one phone call came a rush of emotions that left me, literally, heaving.

People you love aren’t supposed to leave.

“Love never quits.”

Especially when they are the ones who walked hand in hand with you along the most uneven paths. Through times that life didn’t make sense and my original family was broken apart. And I hated middle school and my first love went away. And I’m finally leaving home and do you think he’s the one for me. Those kinds of roads. He loved and he gave and he protected. And now he left her and I’m the one who fell apart.

“Love never fails.”

The man I’ve prayed would come to the Lord probably a thousand times. Cried and begged the Lord to gently and swiftly bring into His kingdom. Its not done yet, Lord.

“Love always hopes.”

Where do they write the book for grown up children who have children of their own whose families fall apart? Which aisle in Barnes and Nobel tells you how you are supposed to feel about your step parents, who have raised you as their own,don’t want to be a family anymore? I need that section.

“The Lord is near to the broken hearted.”

I know this is true. HE has been near to her. My mom’s sustainer has breathed into her and filled her chest for three months. His Word in. Blowing life giving, death reviving, grief penetrating breath into her. And I marvel that the His promised peace would arrive just as He said it would.

“My peace I give you.”

This is the time when HIS WORDS matter more than mine. A season of unparalleled grief for me, the ripping off of scabs never properly healed. The days for feeling to be reconciled to truth.

“Never will I leave you or forsake you.”

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude…”

Maybe someday the Lord will give me the words to sing over the broken adult children. But only His Words bring the salve AND the healing.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.” Isa 61:1

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